Saturday, September 12, 2009

She is home

It lasted five weeks. Honestly, I knew it wouldn't last, but I didn't expect the fallout to be quite so bad, or aimed at me.

If you remember, I never wanted her to move out in the first place. But, being faced with her moving in with a ward member, or running off to who knows where(as she had threatened so often) we finally agreed to let her go. It was hard. I questioned my mothering skills on more than one occasion.

She hit her limit on Thursday. She wanted to come home and regretted leaving her family. She waxed almost poetic on how a child should always stay with their parents. She also said she was extremely unhappy, as as soon as ward member figured out that she could not change Kailey, or do a better job than I was doing, she became angry and abusive toward Kailey. Kailey is a difficult child, with a mind of her own. She will be a strong adult, and if I can just help her find her way, her strong testimony will not be in vain.

Let me say a few positives about Kailey, since I have shared so much negative, ward members must be scared of her. She has a great personality. She is very witty, and keeps us in stitches. She is very loyal, and gets angry when someone is less than nice to me or her dad. She acts like her siblings are the most annoying on the planet, yet she bristles if anyone looks sideways at them. She really is a kind and caring person, and as she grows the good is overcoming the temper fits and the anger.

Anyway, things came to a head on Thursday. Kailey has a lot of guy friends, and some of them are not real thinkers. This one called her at 6:30 on Thursday, and said he was outside, come talk to him. This set off the host, and she was yelling at Kailey that they are civilized people and no one who is civilized shows up at a friends house at 6:30 in the morning. A rule I have never heard, but I do agree it was early for visitors. Kailey was angry and decided it was the last straw.

So, she came home yesterday. She was angry we wouldn't give her her phone back. She had given it back when hosts had put her on their plan, and with it came the latest state of the art phone that does everything, including make toast. She gave us her on it's last leg razr, and we gave it to the boys. They were thrilled with it, and so grateful. So, when she comes home, without phone, she wanted her phone back. It doesn't work that way, sorry.

We also made it clear she would not take over Bill's office. He spends a lot of time in there, at all hours. Most of it is necessary for his company to thrive, but some is saving the world, a way for him to unwind. He still has sleeping issues, and many 2am's have found him at his desk, trying to figure out an issue, or playing Bejeweled on Facebook. Her putting a bed in there, and taking over the closet is not an option. She has been angry that we planned on her just staying in the family room, on a futon. I offered for her to stay in with the girls, but it is already crowded in there with their bunkbed, dresser and desk. It is the smallest room in the house, but the one the girls chose as theirs. They did not want Kailey moving in with them, and I didn't blame them. So, the TV room it is. She was upset last night that she was tired and the boys were still playing video games. Their bedtime on Friday's is 9:30 and she wanted to go to bed at 8:15. She solved it by moving to the living room.

It will be an adjustment for all of us, but especially for her.

I was quite upset yesterday as her host called me yelling, making accusations, calling me names, and telling me that I had made temple covenants and I was not keeping them. I realized months ago that this girl was not my friend, and I have been going thru the motions til we moved to avoid drama. And, while she berated me on the phone, I was thankful I had figured her out a while ago. I finally hung up on her tirade. She would not give Kailey her stuff til K had given back the house keys and the cell phone. Even for her, her behavior was juvenile and out of line. I am so grateful to be in another ward now. I won't be going back to visit anytime soon.

In a way, even thru my anger and hurt, I feel sorry for her. There must be a mental imbalance for her to act in such a way. She must really think she is justified in her stand. That is sad. It is never appropriate to yell at and call a kid hateful swear words. Whore was thrown around when Kailey only went on a few dates. It is also never appropriate to call another sister in the gospel names. I wish her the best, and seriously hope she is able to get the help she needs to deal with her anger issues.

1 comment:

Barbara said...

I would have sworn I commented on this! I wonder what I said? Somethng supportive, I am sure. ; )

How's it going now?

I do wish you could post more often. I miss you.