Saturday, September 12, 2009

She is home

It lasted five weeks. Honestly, I knew it wouldn't last, but I didn't expect the fallout to be quite so bad, or aimed at me.

If you remember, I never wanted her to move out in the first place. But, being faced with her moving in with a ward member, or running off to who knows where(as she had threatened so often) we finally agreed to let her go. It was hard. I questioned my mothering skills on more than one occasion.

She hit her limit on Thursday. She wanted to come home and regretted leaving her family. She waxed almost poetic on how a child should always stay with their parents. She also said she was extremely unhappy, as as soon as ward member figured out that she could not change Kailey, or do a better job than I was doing, she became angry and abusive toward Kailey. Kailey is a difficult child, with a mind of her own. She will be a strong adult, and if I can just help her find her way, her strong testimony will not be in vain.

Let me say a few positives about Kailey, since I have shared so much negative, ward members must be scared of her. She has a great personality. She is very witty, and keeps us in stitches. She is very loyal, and gets angry when someone is less than nice to me or her dad. She acts like her siblings are the most annoying on the planet, yet she bristles if anyone looks sideways at them. She really is a kind and caring person, and as she grows the good is overcoming the temper fits and the anger.

Anyway, things came to a head on Thursday. Kailey has a lot of guy friends, and some of them are not real thinkers. This one called her at 6:30 on Thursday, and said he was outside, come talk to him. This set off the host, and she was yelling at Kailey that they are civilized people and no one who is civilized shows up at a friends house at 6:30 in the morning. A rule I have never heard, but I do agree it was early for visitors. Kailey was angry and decided it was the last straw.

So, she came home yesterday. She was angry we wouldn't give her her phone back. She had given it back when hosts had put her on their plan, and with it came the latest state of the art phone that does everything, including make toast. She gave us her on it's last leg razr, and we gave it to the boys. They were thrilled with it, and so grateful. So, when she comes home, without phone, she wanted her phone back. It doesn't work that way, sorry.

We also made it clear she would not take over Bill's office. He spends a lot of time in there, at all hours. Most of it is necessary for his company to thrive, but some is saving the world, a way for him to unwind. He still has sleeping issues, and many 2am's have found him at his desk, trying to figure out an issue, or playing Bejeweled on Facebook. Her putting a bed in there, and taking over the closet is not an option. She has been angry that we planned on her just staying in the family room, on a futon. I offered for her to stay in with the girls, but it is already crowded in there with their bunkbed, dresser and desk. It is the smallest room in the house, but the one the girls chose as theirs. They did not want Kailey moving in with them, and I didn't blame them. So, the TV room it is. She was upset last night that she was tired and the boys were still playing video games. Their bedtime on Friday's is 9:30 and she wanted to go to bed at 8:15. She solved it by moving to the living room.

It will be an adjustment for all of us, but especially for her.

I was quite upset yesterday as her host called me yelling, making accusations, calling me names, and telling me that I had made temple covenants and I was not keeping them. I realized months ago that this girl was not my friend, and I have been going thru the motions til we moved to avoid drama. And, while she berated me on the phone, I was thankful I had figured her out a while ago. I finally hung up on her tirade. She would not give Kailey her stuff til K had given back the house keys and the cell phone. Even for her, her behavior was juvenile and out of line. I am so grateful to be in another ward now. I won't be going back to visit anytime soon.

In a way, even thru my anger and hurt, I feel sorry for her. There must be a mental imbalance for her to act in such a way. She must really think she is justified in her stand. That is sad. It is never appropriate to yell at and call a kid hateful swear words. Whore was thrown around when Kailey only went on a few dates. It is also never appropriate to call another sister in the gospel names. I wish her the best, and seriously hope she is able to get the help she needs to deal with her anger issues.

Monday, September 7, 2009

The whole month of August went by without a post. Not that I didn't want to...I just never found the time. Plus my comp is all wonky, and drops things all the time. Hopefully I won't lose this.

We are moved. The garage is piled high with unopened boxes of treasure and trash. I told Bill that since we have everything we need, I am tempted to just never open them. LOL. Except for the photo albums and the kids homemade stuff. And, by the time I found all that, there would untold numbers of items I just couldn't live without.

A new ward/stake. Yikes. Although we are now in the same stake as my parents and Oma. So, stake functions will be family affairs. Already awkwardness in the new ward. A family that fired me as their babysitter is now in my ward. Of course the kids I watched are now all adults, with kids of their own. I was twelve, they had four kids with the oldest being a 10 yr old boy, with a huge case of the naughties. I was fired when a mug crashed to the floor after he threw something at me, as they walked in the house. My mom was called, and this lady yelled at her over this coffee mug, and said I would never watch her kids again. It was quite humiliating, but a good learning experience for me. I started refusing jobs if I felt it was too much for me. And, when I started leaving Brittany with the kids when she was 13, I always had this boy in mind.

Anyway, I recognized them because he bore his testimony and stated who he was. So I kind of had the upper hand. She surreptiously studied me thru RS, andI am not sure if she figured out who I was. LOL I no longer look like the teen I was when we moved out of that town. But, as I have gotten older, I have unwillingly began to look like my mother. I get recognized for that all the time. So she may well have figured it out. I talked to Mom, who said she has seen this sister at stake functions, but neither has approached the other. So we will see how this goes. I hate conflict, and I would like to think we could put 30 yr old issues to rest.

I will post pics of hte house as soon as I find my USB cable. LOL. I am sure it is in one of the boxes in the garage.