Friday, July 31, 2009

They are dropping like flies.

So, with all the talk of moving, Kailey has been very upset. She wanted to graduate from the high school here, with the friends she has known since Kindergarten. She has been frustrated with me because I am not as adamant as she is. Really, she is starting her third year and her grades are so dismal that she is on the five...possibly the six year plan. If it was so important to her, why is it so hard to do it right?? And why is her lack of preparation my emergency??

She wanted to find a family in the ward to take her in so she could stay here. I was not too happy. She is my daughter, and even with her moodiness and ill temper, I love her desperately. Plus, I felt it was asking a lot of someone, in this economy, to take in another kid. I wanted her to go with us and just give it a shot.

So, she found someone willing to take her in. This sister is willing to drive her around the mountain every day to school, and then come pick her up. I can see that getting old soon. The plan was to wait until a) we moved, or B) school started, which ever came first. She has been taking boxes of stuff over there, and rhapsodizing to me how wonderful it is over at Sue's house. Great, I hope you will be happy. She was home yesterday afternoon, and then said Sue was coming and she was going over there for a while.

When she didn't come home last night, I didn't think too much of it, and half expected her to show up any minute this morning. I needed my phone charger, and since hers broke last week we have been sharing it. This means she keeps it and I hunt it out when I need it. Her room is empty, except for the trash. I texted her, and she said it was a last minute thing and that she had no idea she was moving out last night. Really?? Yet you took all your stuff??

I am hurt. What am I doing wrong, that my kids are so desperate to get out??

She keeps telling me that she is not bryttani. Yet, she did the exact same thing. Disappeared in the night. The only difference is I had a clue, and she didn't move in with her boyfriend.


SarahAnne said...

(((HUGS))) I'm so sorry, Pam. I can imagine the heartache. I have no wise words for you. Just wanted you to know I'm sorry and am thinking of you.

Barbara said...

As my missionary son reminded me, we are not perfect. God is and He had 1/3 turn from Him when we were all still with Him and more turning away now. That doesn't comfort in our worry and concern for our kids, but it should help us not feel guilty and responsible for every decision our kids make.

K is a teen, which all too often means short-sighted and selfish. They are immature.

Sue is no-doubt generous and kind, but possibly also naive. I agree that the arrangement (and all the driving) are likely to get old fast. Hopefully, Sue understands that you are not/cannot financially recompense her. In fact, YOU owe her nothing. Kailey does. Who, likely, at first will be such an angelic helper that Sue will wonder at how you fail to appreciate her. That will pass.

We do have a Sue in our ward who has for years taken in youth. She has been known to ask a kid if they had moved in or were just visiting because she actually didn't always know. She was great about teaching them to do things for themselves, insisting they do chores and holding to her house rules. (If you left your stuff in the living room, you would probably find it tossed out in the yard - until the yard got cleaned, then tough. If the kids didn't do their chores, especially kitchen chores, she stopped buying food. She and her husband would eat out until the kids shaped up.) I wished I had her determination and confidence!

You are a good, loving Mom. You work incredibly hard. Kids don't always appreciate what they have. (sigh, Neither do we adults, sometimes.)

Whether or not Kailey decides she wants to come home anytime soon, I am sure that eventually she will appreciate you SOMEDAY.

Of course, if she does, YOU get to decide what rules she comes back on. Not "spot back."

Try not to take it too much to heart. But do get your charger back!