I am glad this blog is not a real person, because I shamefully neglect it. Then when I need it, I come looking for the release and the solace it brings me to type out all my woes. IF this were a real person, he/she would have kicked me to the curb long ago.
Thursday was a big day for me. Cameryn turned 10!! I have a bad habit of thinking of her and Tyler as 'the babies'. With Tyler almost seven, it no longer applies to either of them. 10 years ago she made her weak entrance into the world. How devastated we were to learn how ill she was. Her lungs collapsed shortly after birth due to the very hard, long labor I had with her. She was finally delivered emergency C section, just in time. Her heart had stopped a few times, and the doctor could not be found.
11 days in the NICU, and we brought her home. To see her today you would never know she had such a rough start. Her birthday dinner was tomato soup with Ritz crackers, grilled cheese (with real cheddar) and cheesecake.
On a different note that day, my 15 year old brother was hit by a car and killed.
Let me back up and give a little history. My dad married my mom in January of 65. He brought his two daughters, Debbie and Patty to the union. Their mom had decided that being a mom was not for her and she split. Debbie and Patty had a tough life, made tougher by the fact they wouldn't let my mom (I was born in Nov. of 65) be their mom. They grew up and were very unhappy, and both ran off by the age of 14, and had their first babies at 16. Debbie had John and my parents took him in when he was 6 weeks old. He was now our brother. I was nine and Karen seven when he came. Debbie and Patty had been gone a while by this point, and i was used to being the oldest. Two years later, when she was 16, Patty had Monica, and disappeared in the night when she was three days old. So, my parents raised her, too.
I was told they were my brother and sister, and that is how I have always thought of them.
Debbie went on to have three more kids, nad Patty one, and all ended up being raised by assorted family members, or foster families.
One day in 1993, Karen called me in a panic. A social worker out of LA called her and Debbie had had another baby (the youngest of Debbie's was 11 by this point). The SW told Karen since she had Debbie's other two boys, and she is next of kin, she was bringing the baby out, and didn't give Karen a say. Karen had four kids of her own, plus was expecting #5, and Fernando and Adam. There was no way she could take a sickly (He was born with drugs in his system, and an STD) baby. I had three kids myself, but I had a three bedroom house. I rushed over there to meet the sw and bring AJ home with me.The social worker said Debbie had named him Angel Jr. I could not see calling a baby after his drug addled, gang banger father, so I called him AJ. I asked for financial help since Kailey was eight months old, and now I had two babies in diapers and formula. THe SW told me I was family and it was my responsibility to provide for him. It broke my heart when he was five months old to call her back and have her come get him because I just couldn't afford it. I have often wondered if his life would have been different if I had stuck it out. But we were sinking, and I couldn't see taking him down with us.
Patty then took him, since Debbie's rights had been terminated. I thought this odd at the time since she had lost her second daughter to the system, and she had been adopted out. And they gave her this baby?? When he was three, Debbie had him again, and was living on the street. The social worker found him starving, and sickly, and them in an alley. She called us again, and my mom felt prompted to quit her job and stay home and raise him. My parents adopted him at four and he was no longer my nephew, but had been promoted to brother. He was, age wise, right in the middle of his twelve cousins.
We had found out later that the social worker had lied. Debbie did not name the baby. Debbie called at some point and asked my parents why I had named him after Angel. So, since he was so used to AJ, my mom named him Arik James at the time of hte adoption. Kind of a nordic spelling for a dark hispanic kid. LOL.
AJ was always a confused, and angry kid. I blame the drugs in utero for his unhappiness. In the last year he had run away often, and was repeating a lot of the same mistakes made by Debbie. In October, my mom's bishop stepped in and offered to give him a home. By this time he had an arrest record. One more, and juvie was in his future. Christmas morning, he dropped Arik off bag and baggage. He apologized to my mom for his thinking that he could do more than she could, and left him. My mom was apprehensive that he would behave and stick around. He took off immediately, and was in and out of the house all thru January. On Thursday, he was supposed to be home by 5:00. Mom went to bed, and the cops knocked on the door about midnight.
Arik (He went to Arik when Monica married a man named AJ. Too confusing.) and two friends decided to cross the freeway at 10pm. The other boys turned back, and Arik kept going and was hit. There were no skid marks, which means the lady who hit him had not seen him in time to brake. In his black jeans and hoodie, with the hood on his head, he was virtually invisible to traffic. My heart goes out to this poor woman who has to deal with his dumb and selfish behavior the rest of her life.
So now we are planning a funeral for a boy who had potential to be a great man. The pain just must have been too much.
My kids are terribly upset. Hunter and Chandler are joining Cory and Karen's three boys to be the pallbearers. I am in charge of the program, and all the music. Brittany is in Colorado, and can't make it down.
Bill has come full circle, as he blessed AJ when he was four, confirmed him a member, ordained him a deacon, and a teacher, and will now dedicate his grave.
Thursday was a big day for me. Cameryn turned 10!! I have a bad habit of thinking of her and Tyler as 'the babies'. With Tyler almost seven, it no longer applies to either of them. 10 years ago she made her weak entrance into the world. How devastated we were to learn how ill she was. Her lungs collapsed shortly after birth due to the very hard, long labor I had with her. She was finally delivered emergency C section, just in time. Her heart had stopped a few times, and the doctor could not be found.
11 days in the NICU, and we brought her home. To see her today you would never know she had such a rough start. Her birthday dinner was tomato soup with Ritz crackers, grilled cheese (with real cheddar) and cheesecake.
On a different note that day, my 15 year old brother was hit by a car and killed.
Let me back up and give a little history. My dad married my mom in January of 65. He brought his two daughters, Debbie and Patty to the union. Their mom had decided that being a mom was not for her and she split. Debbie and Patty had a tough life, made tougher by the fact they wouldn't let my mom (I was born in Nov. of 65) be their mom. They grew up and were very unhappy, and both ran off by the age of 14, and had their first babies at 16. Debbie had John and my parents took him in when he was 6 weeks old. He was now our brother. I was nine and Karen seven when he came. Debbie and Patty had been gone a while by this point, and i was used to being the oldest. Two years later, when she was 16, Patty had Monica, and disappeared in the night when she was three days old. So, my parents raised her, too.
I was told they were my brother and sister, and that is how I have always thought of them.
Debbie went on to have three more kids, nad Patty one, and all ended up being raised by assorted family members, or foster families.
One day in 1993, Karen called me in a panic. A social worker out of LA called her and Debbie had had another baby (the youngest of Debbie's was 11 by this point). The SW told Karen since she had Debbie's other two boys, and she is next of kin, she was bringing the baby out, and didn't give Karen a say. Karen had four kids of her own, plus was expecting #5, and Fernando and Adam. There was no way she could take a sickly (He was born with drugs in his system, and an STD) baby. I had three kids myself, but I had a three bedroom house. I rushed over there to meet the sw and bring AJ home with me.The social worker said Debbie had named him Angel Jr. I could not see calling a baby after his drug addled, gang banger father, so I called him AJ. I asked for financial help since Kailey was eight months old, and now I had two babies in diapers and formula. THe SW told me I was family and it was my responsibility to provide for him. It broke my heart when he was five months old to call her back and have her come get him because I just couldn't afford it. I have often wondered if his life would have been different if I had stuck it out. But we were sinking, and I couldn't see taking him down with us.
Patty then took him, since Debbie's rights had been terminated. I thought this odd at the time since she had lost her second daughter to the system, and she had been adopted out. And they gave her this baby?? When he was three, Debbie had him again, and was living on the street. The social worker found him starving, and sickly, and them in an alley. She called us again, and my mom felt prompted to quit her job and stay home and raise him. My parents adopted him at four and he was no longer my nephew, but had been promoted to brother. He was, age wise, right in the middle of his twelve cousins.
We had found out later that the social worker had lied. Debbie did not name the baby. Debbie called at some point and asked my parents why I had named him after Angel. So, since he was so used to AJ, my mom named him Arik James at the time of hte adoption. Kind of a nordic spelling for a dark hispanic kid. LOL.
AJ was always a confused, and angry kid. I blame the drugs in utero for his unhappiness. In the last year he had run away often, and was repeating a lot of the same mistakes made by Debbie. In October, my mom's bishop stepped in and offered to give him a home. By this time he had an arrest record. One more, and juvie was in his future. Christmas morning, he dropped Arik off bag and baggage. He apologized to my mom for his thinking that he could do more than she could, and left him. My mom was apprehensive that he would behave and stick around. He took off immediately, and was in and out of the house all thru January. On Thursday, he was supposed to be home by 5:00. Mom went to bed, and the cops knocked on the door about midnight.
Arik (He went to Arik when Monica married a man named AJ. Too confusing.) and two friends decided to cross the freeway at 10pm. The other boys turned back, and Arik kept going and was hit. There were no skid marks, which means the lady who hit him had not seen him in time to brake. In his black jeans and hoodie, with the hood on his head, he was virtually invisible to traffic. My heart goes out to this poor woman who has to deal with his dumb and selfish behavior the rest of her life.
So now we are planning a funeral for a boy who had potential to be a great man. The pain just must have been too much.
My kids are terribly upset. Hunter and Chandler are joining Cory and Karen's three boys to be the pallbearers. I am in charge of the program, and all the music. Brittany is in Colorado, and can't make it down.
Bill has come full circle, as he blessed AJ when he was four, confirmed him a member, ordained him a deacon, and a teacher, and will now dedicate his grave.
3 comments:
(((Pam)))
Things might have been different if you had kept him, but you don't know that he wouldn't have turned out the same way and taken your children down with him. Everyone did the best they could. It's just hard to get through to some kids. Now he is in God's hands. (((hugs)))
I echo Jenn's comment. And, I'm sorry this sweet spirit had such a rough mortal life. It was sad to read how his life started w/his mom. PPT for you and your family, Pam.
My heart goes out to you and your family.
You, however, are not to blame. We have to each just do the best we can.
You are in my heart and prayers.
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