The whole month of August went by without a post. Not that I didn't want to...I just never found the time. Plus my comp is all wonky, and drops things all the time. Hopefully I won't lose this.

We are moved. The garage is piled high with unopened boxes of treasure and trash. I told Bill that since we have everything we need, I am tempted to just never open them. LOL. Except for the photo albums and the kids homemade stuff. And, by the time I found all that, there would untold numbers of items I just couldn't live without.

A new ward/stake. Yikes. Although we are now in the same stake as my parents and Oma. So, stake functions will be family affairs. Already awkwardness in the new ward. A family that fired me as their babysitter is now in my ward. Of course the kids I watched are now all adults, with kids of their own. I was twelve, they had four kids with the oldest being a 10 yr old boy, with a huge case of the naughties. I was fired when a mug crashed to the floor after he threw something at me, as they walked in the house. My mom was called, and this lady yelled at her over this coffee mug, and said I would never watch her kids again. It was quite humiliating, but a good learning experience for me. I started refusing jobs if I felt it was too much for me. And, when I started leaving Brittany with the kids when she was 13, I always had this boy in mind.

Anyway, I recognized them because he bore his testimony and stated who he was. So I kind of had the upper hand. She surreptiously studied me thru RS, andI am not sure if she figured out who I was. LOL I no longer look like the teen I was when we moved out of that town. But, as I have gotten older, I have unwillingly began to look like my mother. I get recognized for that all the time. So she may well have figured it out. I talked to Mom, who said she has seen this sister at stake functions, but neither has approached the other. So we will see how this goes. I hate conflict, and I would like to think we could put 30 yr old issues to rest.

I will post pics of hte house as soon as I find my USB cable. LOL. I am sure it is in one of the boxes in the garage.

They are dropping like flies.

So, with all the talk of moving, Kailey has been very upset. She wanted to graduate from the high school here, with the friends she has known since Kindergarten. She has been frustrated with me because I am not as adamant as she is. Really, she is starting her third year and her grades are so dismal that she is on the five...possibly the six year plan. If it was so important to her, why is it so hard to do it right?? And why is her lack of preparation my emergency??

She wanted to find a family in the ward to take her in so she could stay here. I was not too happy. She is my daughter, and even with her moodiness and ill temper, I love her desperately. Plus, I felt it was asking a lot of someone, in this economy, to take in another kid. I wanted her to go with us and just give it a shot.

So, she found someone willing to take her in. This sister is willing to drive her around the mountain every day to school, and then come pick her up. I can see that getting old soon. The plan was to wait until a) we moved, or B) school started, which ever came first. She has been taking boxes of stuff over there, and rhapsodizing to me how wonderful it is over at Sue's house. Great, I hope you will be happy. She was home yesterday afternoon, and then said Sue was coming and she was going over there for a while.

When she didn't come home last night, I didn't think too much of it, and half expected her to show up any minute this morning. I needed my phone charger, and since hers broke last week we have been sharing it. This means she keeps it and I hunt it out when I need it. Her room is empty, except for the trash. I texted her, and she said it was a last minute thing and that she had no idea she was moving out last night. Really?? Yet you took all your stuff??

I am hurt. What am I doing wrong, that my kids are so desperate to get out??

She keeps telling me that she is not bryttani. Yet, she did the exact same thing. Disappeared in the night. The only difference is I had a clue, and she didn't move in with her boyfriend.

Count your blessings, Name them one by one.....

The job in the high desert has exploded. Bill is so busy, he is not sure when he can finish Chaffey college. He is getting four or five houses a week, which is keeping him and his crew busy. Then he gets a call from his boss. Bill was tipped to this repo job by a friend in another ward. So, his boss is LDS also, and he and Bill have become great friends. It also helps to develop trust when you are brothers in the gospel. Anyway, Chris, his boss, calls the other day and said he is not happy with some of his other crews and he wants to phase some of them out, and have Bill pick them up. This means Bill will eventually have the whole lower half of the state. This is a huge blessing for us. We have prayed for work, and Bill is deluged. He has also had some personal testimony builders to show him how much Heavenly Father loves us and knows us. One was last Sunday. He was behind on Chaffey, and felt it was best to work on Sunday to get caught up. When I got home from church he called me and was on his way home. He said the guilt feelings were so strong that we were so blessed by being obedient.....and here he is working on the Sabbath. He made a vow it won't happen again.

He also knows that me paying our tithing in full, whether he was on board or not, is why these things are going so well for us. For the longest time I paid almost on the sly. I told the bishop I was hiding the yellow slips so Bill didn't get frustrated. He knew tithing worked, he was just so scared of us having to move, or not having enough food. He has realized neither will ever happen. He supports my tithing paying now. He told me he was sorry he has been such a spiritual galoot.

So, now our family history story. My mom was called to be the family history person in her ward last year. She said then that since ours is done back to the Savior, she would work on Bill's. He is a convert, and except for some dabbling by an uncle, not much had been done. First off, when Bill was baptized in '94, he had a faith promoting experience. He said as he was listening to the bishop speak, he felt someone put their arm around his shoulders, and he was filled with a feeling of love and rightness. He figured it was my mom, since she was such a verbal supporter of his choice to be baptized.When the bishop was done speaking, he turned to acknowledge my mom, and was stunned to see her three rows back, and no one directly behind him. As he turned the feeling of the hug slowly left him. He was baffled by it, but felt it was a grandmother, and they were happy he was baptized because they wanted their temple work done.

I am confused by my PAF file, and not much has been done. Not enough time to dedicate to it while I was changing diapers and cleaning koolaid out of the carpet. So I was excited to learn my mom's calling, and her choice to work on Bill's line.

Last Wednesday, she calls me, just ecstatic. She found some of Bill's family. A Mary Steele. Mary was listed as a single mom (possibly a widow??) with two sons, William and Robert. William had a son, Huffman, who had a daughter, Mary (Bill's mom) who had Bill. I thought it really neat that Mary Steele had a William, and two generations later, Bill's mom, Mary, had a William. I would love to ask her if she knew of her great grandmother, and the naming situation. Someday, since she has been gone seven years now. Anyhow, my mom was thrilled to find this line, and was looking forward to calling me with the info....right after her institute class.

As she gets there and sits down she said it was like abolt of lightning. Mary Steele is the 'grandmother' who came to Bill's baptism. She hasn't thought of that story in years, and here it was, and she knew it was right. Now she was really anxious to call me and almost ditched her class. LOL. I had her tell Bill. He was almost in tears, and the spirit testified to him that what my mom said, and found, was true. That it was Mary Steele who had such a love for him, and was waiting for her work. So, soon, we are making a trek to the temple.

We have been so blessed.

I run hot and cold.

In regards to this blog. LOL. I have something to say for a few days, and then nothing for weeks.

So, the high desert job has come thru and Bill does his first two work orders next week. The college is still not ready for him to do his last week or so of work, so no money coming there.

We went to Victorville and looked at the five bedroom house, and all was a go....until the lady asked to see a picture of Delilah. She said no, based on the fact that Dee is a pit bull. Uh, what?? No she isn't, she is a lab mix. We do agree that she has a small percentage of pit in her. It explains her gold nose. But, she is a lab, with a lab temperment. Apparently it is difficult to get or keep homeowners insurance with a pit on the property. Whatever.

Actually we are still on the fence about moving so far away. We have a few more weeks in this house.

Sunday, as I was leaving to go to the Pioneer Day planning committee meeting, I found our eviction notice in the fence. Sunday was the 12th, and the paperwork was dated the 9th, and you only have five days to answer, or else you default and the sheriff's will come and lock you out. I was stressed over this because weekends and holidays count. So, I called a paralegal we had already talked to, and he made the appt for Wed the 14th, which was the fifth day. Phew. He also said that since it was not handed to us, we actually had 10 days,but let's not risk it.

We took all our pictures and our email correspondence with the landlord over the last two years with us. The paralegal thinks we have a very good shot of winning, between all the promises of repairs and the ugly pictures. My request is we don't end up with a black mark on our record over the eviction. We sent the answer to the landlady's lawyer and we are waiting now on a court date. Our paralegal thinks that once the lawyer reads the answer and the emails he may want to see the pictures, and may want to settle. Keep your fingers crossed that this is what happens.

I don't even know what to say with the situation with Cory. Mom wants him out of Grandma's house. Actually, Mom has no problem with him there. He is good about helping Grandma with the chores that are hard for her. He is company. She has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, and it explains so much of what has been going on. Not only is she very forgetful, but she is becoming ornery in her old age, and really mean comments are coming out of her sweet mouth. She went to spend a week with Aunt Sharon, and told her things that had Sharon calling my mom demanding answers. Apparently Grandma said I had just showed up one night with Cory and dumped him off, and have not been back to even check on him. She also said that I dumped the little girls off on her for a week while I went on a trip. "Why does Pam think I want to raise her kids??" I was hurt, but Mom reminded me she is no longer in her right mind and we can't take anything personally. With Cory, we had talked back and forth for a week. It was all planned. I could deal with this one. But the little girls hurt. The weekend before I left for camp, we had a birthday BBQ for Hunter. Grandma asked ME what I was doing with the girls. I told her Bill was off work, and if he did have to work, Cindy was going to watch them. It was all arranged, and not a big deal. "Oh, let them come and stay with me, I would love it." I was not overly comfortable with it, but Mom said she would help. So, they planned on picking them up MOnday morning, and Bill would go get them Tuesday night. That was it. Bill and Cindy had them the rest of the week. I think we are in for a roller coaster ride with her.

I cancelled my trip to Vegas. I am sad, because my friends are there right now, having fun without me. I just couldn't justify the expense, but more I couldn't see leaving the kids again so soon. But, oh, I wanted to go.

The end of a chapter??

We have an appointment to look at a few houses this weekend. Yeah, an hour and a half away. It is looking like this is the door that has been opened for us, and we need to have faith and step through. I need to have faith. Everything is falling into place. I was talking to the lady at the property mgmt, and we seemed to hit it off. She is excited for us to come, and we are excited to see her. We are looking at a five bdroom house with a bonus room. But there are other nice houses as well.

The guy who hired Bill for these high desert jobs called today, and is eager for BIll to come out and get started. We need to vacate this house by the 20th of July, so we are sort of cutting it close. LOL.

Girls Camp is Monday. I have bittersweet feelings. I love YW, and was hoping to stay in it for a while, and be in there when Cameryn becomes a beehive in Jan of 11 ( coming faster than you realize). I want to go to girl's camp with her, and help her with her personal progress, and just have a good time with her. And Tyler a couple years later. I had a plan, dang it!! A new ward, and I am fearful I will end up in Primary again. Don't get me wrong, I love Primary, and have served in every capacity except President and pianist. Those take talent. LOL. But, I was there for 26 consecutive years.....and I love the change YW is.

So, I go to camp Monday, knowing it is my last week or so with these girls. My heart is already heavy. We moved into this ward 11 years ago. Some of these kids were in nursery then. I am so going to miss them.

I was put on the stake committee for Pioneer Day. Our stake activities chairman was in the ward back a hundred years ago, before I was married even. She was the Primary President and I was the Sunbeam teacher. So she tells the stake rep she wants me on the committee. A funny. She really has a hard time letting go of my maiden name. She submitted my name for the committee and stake rep was baffled trying to find me. LOL Anyway, I hate for them to come to rely on me and mehave to move. I also hate to say no to helping if we end up staying here. This weekend will bring a lot of answers.

Sometimes, it is no help

I am sure there are times when people look on a situation, and think they know the best way to handle it. Many times they do not have all the pieces of the puzzle, and their 'help' is not welcome. We have encountered this this week.

Cory was released from probation on the 27th of May. The state of CA had forgiven him, and we had forgiven him. We were waiting to hear from Job Corps, or we are looking into other options. We realize he can't live here, but he was staying with us in the meantime with the blessing of the juvenile judge and his lawyer. We also had safety measures in place, even though we trust him. But, would you leave the keys to the liquor cabinet with a recovering alcoholic?? I hate using a drinking analogy, but it fits.

He was here for three weeks, when we got a knock on our door late Wednesday night. Like 10:30 late. It was CPS and the cops. Someone had called them that Cory was home again. I was stunned and upset. Bill was panicked. CPS was prepared to take our other kids that night. They had brought a police issued mini van. WHAT??! I explained that the judge had said that he had paid his punishment, and there was no reason he could not come home. Are you going to tell me that you are going to override the judge. She just pooh pooh'ed me and said the minutes from that day only state that his probation was terminated, and he was released into his own custody. I told her that his record was going to be sealed when he is 21. She agreed, he is not a threat. He could live here as long as he wanted. But, go get shoes and wake the other five kids. I got angry and said "You are NOT taking my kids!!" Can you imagine the horror??

In desperation, I tried to call my mom. She is deaf in one ear and sleeps on her good ear to ensure a good nights sleep. No luck there. Keep in mind we have been trying for a year to find somewhere for him to go. And now we were under the gun in the middle of the night.

I called Brittany, and she said he could come for the night. She lives with her boyfriend and her boyfriend's father in a four bedroom house not far from my mom and grandmother. Bill loaded Cory and his stuff into the car, and left while CPS was still here.

The next day, I had to do DC over at the DC's house. As with any job, it is not cool to spend the day on the phone. I had no choice. I got a hold of my mom finally and told her the situation, and pleaded for her to ask Oma if he could stay there. Oma has gone back and forth whether or not she wants him there. She was all for it while Opa was alive, and when he could actually help. But, she did say yes. Meanwhile, Brittany called a few times, reminding me that she didn't plan on having him all day. Umm, 1, he is your brother.2, we have bent over backwards for you, and you can't help me in return??and 3, I am trying my hardest while trying to do my job at the same time. Normally that wouldn't be a problem, I just didn't want the MIL to say later "Pam was on the phone all day...."

So, for now, he is at Oma's. I blamed his PO because the timing was too perfect. He had asked the day before about Cory and how he was doing. I also wanted it to be the PO because otherwise, someone close to me had betrayed me. Only a few know the whole story. Most got the "He is living with his grandmother" story.

So, whoever called, did not know what the judge or the lawyer had said. Or they did not care. They just had a sense of righteous indignation, and set out to do something about it. I have an idea who it was. I hope they never have anyone be so myopic when looking at their life.


We put in an application for a house around the corner. No point in going far til we want to buy, then we can relocate if needed. In a way, it would be great to start over where no one knows what we have been thru. I called and left a message, so hopefully I will hear soon on how it goes.

Update

Court was Wednesday. Cory's lawyer had a meet n greet with us before being called in to see the judge. He was recommending termination of probation and releasing Cory to his own custody. Cory's nineteenth birthday was the same day. This was certainly NOT in my plans for his 19th when he was a child. Anyway, the judge was happy with Cory and confident that Cory is ready to go and start his life. His juvenile record is closed, and he can come back when he is 21 and apply to have it sealed.

This is excellent news.

So, Cory is staying with us while he tries to get JobCorp going. The judge said the state forgave him, and if we forgave him, why can't he stay til things are set?? WE agreed, and he has taken over our living room for now. We still are on alert, and I doubt things will ever change there, but we are happy to have him home. The four younger kids are thrilled.

Kailey was not. Kailey has not forgiven him. She also refused his efforts at an apology. We took her out there one day last year so he could apologize. His counselor talked to her first, explained where C was in the program, what exactly would be said, and how did Kailey feel about it?? Kailey said "I'll wait in the car. I am not interested in what he has to say" The counselor backed her up, and we left with Cory upset and hurt. But, Kailey has been upset for a few years. I talked to her about how she is justified, and I understand, but she will never get past this if she doesn't hear him out, and let him apologize.

So, when he came home with us unexpectedly on Wednesday, she was shocked. I tried to soothe her wounded heart, and we had a long talk. I asked her just to be pleasant (to the best of her abilities) and pretend he is not here. "Pretty hard Mom, when he is 6'2 and 280 p0unds."

She did good Wednesday. Spent most of the day in her room, probably calling and texting her friends with her frustrations. Yesterday, Cory went to work with Bill, and as I was at the DC house for the day, she ditched school. My sweetie. She and I texted all day her with her questions, and me with what I hope were my reassurances.

This morning, they were laughing and talking like old times. I hope she is okay.