Freedom

So, even though we felt we couldn't afford it, we went and bought a second car. With Bill's work picking up, and mine staying at one or two days a week, we needed something. We bought a '93 Pathfinder. It runs well,and is in very good shape. It has it's character points: the hatch doesn't stay latched...but it has a gate over the hatch that does latch, if you have the physical strength to lift the gate, and slam it. Not me. LOL. THe stereo is a lot of work to get going, and keep going. THen when you shut off the car, it goes back to an invalid station. Reminds me of when we had to take the posts off the battery each time we shut off the car, and then reset the radio every time. It is a royal pain. Bill has taken to just hooking up his zune and bypassing the stereo altogether.

I get to keep the Ford. Whoopee. Every trip I take is weighed out before I leave. Is it REALLY worth it to climb over the center console to get out?? Now, if I take a kid, then I am fine. They don't mind coming around and letting me out. I tried a shortcut to church and now I have a slow leak in my front tire. The Terra Cotta dirt road to Nichols is just not worth it. Other than that the Ford is great....as long as there are no hills on the way. The transmission is still garbage. If the tach doesn't spin on take off, then it can't hold it's speed on long hills. You will find me in the far right lane, holding up the big rigs. Two more years of payments and this treasure is ours!!

The goal at this point, if work holds steady, is to pay the car off in the next six months, and buy a work truck. A big Chevy( never EVER a Ford again!!) dually with tool boxes and a sweet ladder rack. THEN we will go get a skin and advertise Bill's company. LOL.

I went to the cemetary today and had a nice visit with my brother. His headstone is lovely. I felt much better afterward, and the guilts are not as bad. The comfort and peace I felt as I sat there, enjoying the sunshine and pouring my heart out to him was just beautiful. I left with a smile.

So, last week, was Menifee Stake's Day in Heaven. The goal was for every family to do the work for one name. We had a few struggles along the way, but I think that is the adversary, putting up roadblocks to see that we truly want these ordinances done. My mom has worked tirelessly to get the work ready for Bill's mom and dad. We then went to the San Diego temple to complete the work.j

Thursday night, Bill and I and the two boys, Hunter and Chandler went down to the temple to do the baptisms. Hunter was going to be dunked for Bill's dad, and me for his mom. Grandma and Mom rounded out our group. There was a family ahead of us, and while we waited, a bunch of kids started filing in. How pleasantly surprised were we when we realized it was the youth from my mom's ward. I am sure it must have been hard for her to see them there, knowing Arik should have been with them. Her bishop, Bishop Elkins, lets no moss grow under his feet, and within minutes I had ten more names to do and Bill and Chandler were changing into their whites so they could participate too. It was beautiful. They had Bill help with the confirmations, and witness the baptisms. They rushed him back and forth so he was there during his own parents turns.

Bill confirmed his mother, with me as proxy. He choked up, and had a hard time talking. Bishop Elkins was there with him, and told him to take his time, there was no hurry at all. LOL. Only 20 youth waiting thier turns to do their ten names each, and still get home in time for early morning seminary the next day. But Bill finally was able to do it, and what a touching scene.

Hunter was baptized for his Grandpa, and he wondered if Grandpa remembered him. It was a valid question, as Grandpa died five years ago, and had Alzheimer's for many years before that. While he was being confirmed, he heard a small voice say "I remember you". How touching it was to see his face, and the tears in his eyes, as he told us of his experience.

We got home late, and fell into bed. Mom and Grandma were smart, and rented a hotel room outside San Diego. Bill and I wanted to, but it was a school night, and what would we do with the kids?? So, we got them off to school Friday morning, and hopped on the freeway to meet Mom and Grandma by just before ten. We started with initiatories, and how fun it was to run into my new RS president. She was in my group, so we waved when we could. I had extra names again, which is good. I have only done it once before, when I took out my own endowments, 13 years ago. I didn't remember anything about it, so doing it for 8 people helped me out. THese ladies doing the ordinances are so sweet and so helpful to the dummies who come in, namely me. You know they have this down, and have seen much, and not much surprises them anymore. Anyway, one of these sweet ladies broke down crying at the spirit in the room as I did my MIL. I had felt it and feel like my efforts were welcome, and well received by my MIL. But to have this wonderful lady feel it so strong that she had to stop and compose herself, and then give me a big hug was really neat.

The sealing was really neat too. My Oma has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, and it explains a lot of her recent behavior. She has really degenerated in the three years (today) since Opa passed. Her getting confused, and frustrated is now a part of life for us, and we do everything we can to make her happy, and content. So, the sealer had Bill and I do his parents. Bill has just been over the moon about all of this. The sealer had a few more names to do and asked if I minded if other ladies in the room could proxy with Bill to do them. The only other ladies were Mom and Oma, and I laughed and said it was my mom. He then promised Bill he would not seal him to my mother. LOL. It was neat to be a part of all this. Later, Oma mentioned how priviledged she felt to be able to seal Mary. My mom gently reminded her that I had done Mary, and she actually did strangers. Oh. Later still she said it again. By the third time, we just let it go and let her think what she wanted. Why worry about it??

I am looking forward to going back and doing other names my mom may find. We are planning a trip in January to do Arik's work and to seal him to my parents. I can't wait for that.

She is home

It lasted five weeks. Honestly, I knew it wouldn't last, but I didn't expect the fallout to be quite so bad, or aimed at me.

If you remember, I never wanted her to move out in the first place. But, being faced with her moving in with a ward member, or running off to who knows where(as she had threatened so often) we finally agreed to let her go. It was hard. I questioned my mothering skills on more than one occasion.

She hit her limit on Thursday. She wanted to come home and regretted leaving her family. She waxed almost poetic on how a child should always stay with their parents. She also said she was extremely unhappy, as as soon as ward member figured out that she could not change Kailey, or do a better job than I was doing, she became angry and abusive toward Kailey. Kailey is a difficult child, with a mind of her own. She will be a strong adult, and if I can just help her find her way, her strong testimony will not be in vain.

Let me say a few positives about Kailey, since I have shared so much negative, ward members must be scared of her. She has a great personality. She is very witty, and keeps us in stitches. She is very loyal, and gets angry when someone is less than nice to me or her dad. She acts like her siblings are the most annoying on the planet, yet she bristles if anyone looks sideways at them. She really is a kind and caring person, and as she grows the good is overcoming the temper fits and the anger.

Anyway, things came to a head on Thursday. Kailey has a lot of guy friends, and some of them are not real thinkers. This one called her at 6:30 on Thursday, and said he was outside, come talk to him. This set off the host, and she was yelling at Kailey that they are civilized people and no one who is civilized shows up at a friends house at 6:30 in the morning. A rule I have never heard, but I do agree it was early for visitors. Kailey was angry and decided it was the last straw.

So, she came home yesterday. She was angry we wouldn't give her her phone back. She had given it back when hosts had put her on their plan, and with it came the latest state of the art phone that does everything, including make toast. She gave us her on it's last leg razr, and we gave it to the boys. They were thrilled with it, and so grateful. So, when she comes home, without phone, she wanted her phone back. It doesn't work that way, sorry.

We also made it clear she would not take over Bill's office. He spends a lot of time in there, at all hours. Most of it is necessary for his company to thrive, but some is saving the world, a way for him to unwind. He still has sleeping issues, and many 2am's have found him at his desk, trying to figure out an issue, or playing Bejeweled on Facebook. Her putting a bed in there, and taking over the closet is not an option. She has been angry that we planned on her just staying in the family room, on a futon. I offered for her to stay in with the girls, but it is already crowded in there with their bunkbed, dresser and desk. It is the smallest room in the house, but the one the girls chose as theirs. They did not want Kailey moving in with them, and I didn't blame them. So, the TV room it is. She was upset last night that she was tired and the boys were still playing video games. Their bedtime on Friday's is 9:30 and she wanted to go to bed at 8:15. She solved it by moving to the living room.

It will be an adjustment for all of us, but especially for her.

I was quite upset yesterday as her host called me yelling, making accusations, calling me names, and telling me that I had made temple covenants and I was not keeping them. I realized months ago that this girl was not my friend, and I have been going thru the motions til we moved to avoid drama. And, while she berated me on the phone, I was thankful I had figured her out a while ago. I finally hung up on her tirade. She would not give Kailey her stuff til K had given back the house keys and the cell phone. Even for her, her behavior was juvenile and out of line. I am so grateful to be in another ward now. I won't be going back to visit anytime soon.

In a way, even thru my anger and hurt, I feel sorry for her. There must be a mental imbalance for her to act in such a way. She must really think she is justified in her stand. That is sad. It is never appropriate to yell at and call a kid hateful swear words. Whore was thrown around when Kailey only went on a few dates. It is also never appropriate to call another sister in the gospel names. I wish her the best, and seriously hope she is able to get the help she needs to deal with her anger issues.

The whole month of August went by without a post. Not that I didn't want to...I just never found the time. Plus my comp is all wonky, and drops things all the time. Hopefully I won't lose this.

We are moved. The garage is piled high with unopened boxes of treasure and trash. I told Bill that since we have everything we need, I am tempted to just never open them. LOL. Except for the photo albums and the kids homemade stuff. And, by the time I found all that, there would untold numbers of items I just couldn't live without.

A new ward/stake. Yikes. Although we are now in the same stake as my parents and Oma. So, stake functions will be family affairs. Already awkwardness in the new ward. A family that fired me as their babysitter is now in my ward. Of course the kids I watched are now all adults, with kids of their own. I was twelve, they had four kids with the oldest being a 10 yr old boy, with a huge case of the naughties. I was fired when a mug crashed to the floor after he threw something at me, as they walked in the house. My mom was called, and this lady yelled at her over this coffee mug, and said I would never watch her kids again. It was quite humiliating, but a good learning experience for me. I started refusing jobs if I felt it was too much for me. And, when I started leaving Brittany with the kids when she was 13, I always had this boy in mind.

Anyway, I recognized them because he bore his testimony and stated who he was. So I kind of had the upper hand. She surreptiously studied me thru RS, andI am not sure if she figured out who I was. LOL I no longer look like the teen I was when we moved out of that town. But, as I have gotten older, I have unwillingly began to look like my mother. I get recognized for that all the time. So she may well have figured it out. I talked to Mom, who said she has seen this sister at stake functions, but neither has approached the other. So we will see how this goes. I hate conflict, and I would like to think we could put 30 yr old issues to rest.

I will post pics of hte house as soon as I find my USB cable. LOL. I am sure it is in one of the boxes in the garage.

They are dropping like flies.

So, with all the talk of moving, Kailey has been very upset. She wanted to graduate from the high school here, with the friends she has known since Kindergarten. She has been frustrated with me because I am not as adamant as she is. Really, she is starting her third year and her grades are so dismal that she is on the five...possibly the six year plan. If it was so important to her, why is it so hard to do it right?? And why is her lack of preparation my emergency??

She wanted to find a family in the ward to take her in so she could stay here. I was not too happy. She is my daughter, and even with her moodiness and ill temper, I love her desperately. Plus, I felt it was asking a lot of someone, in this economy, to take in another kid. I wanted her to go with us and just give it a shot.

So, she found someone willing to take her in. This sister is willing to drive her around the mountain every day to school, and then come pick her up. I can see that getting old soon. The plan was to wait until a) we moved, or B) school started, which ever came first. She has been taking boxes of stuff over there, and rhapsodizing to me how wonderful it is over at Sue's house. Great, I hope you will be happy. She was home yesterday afternoon, and then said Sue was coming and she was going over there for a while.

When she didn't come home last night, I didn't think too much of it, and half expected her to show up any minute this morning. I needed my phone charger, and since hers broke last week we have been sharing it. This means she keeps it and I hunt it out when I need it. Her room is empty, except for the trash. I texted her, and she said it was a last minute thing and that she had no idea she was moving out last night. Really?? Yet you took all your stuff??

I am hurt. What am I doing wrong, that my kids are so desperate to get out??

She keeps telling me that she is not bryttani. Yet, she did the exact same thing. Disappeared in the night. The only difference is I had a clue, and she didn't move in with her boyfriend.

Count your blessings, Name them one by one.....

The job in the high desert has exploded. Bill is so busy, he is not sure when he can finish Chaffey college. He is getting four or five houses a week, which is keeping him and his crew busy. Then he gets a call from his boss. Bill was tipped to this repo job by a friend in another ward. So, his boss is LDS also, and he and Bill have become great friends. It also helps to develop trust when you are brothers in the gospel. Anyway, Chris, his boss, calls the other day and said he is not happy with some of his other crews and he wants to phase some of them out, and have Bill pick them up. This means Bill will eventually have the whole lower half of the state. This is a huge blessing for us. We have prayed for work, and Bill is deluged. He has also had some personal testimony builders to show him how much Heavenly Father loves us and knows us. One was last Sunday. He was behind on Chaffey, and felt it was best to work on Sunday to get caught up. When I got home from church he called me and was on his way home. He said the guilt feelings were so strong that we were so blessed by being obedient.....and here he is working on the Sabbath. He made a vow it won't happen again.

He also knows that me paying our tithing in full, whether he was on board or not, is why these things are going so well for us. For the longest time I paid almost on the sly. I told the bishop I was hiding the yellow slips so Bill didn't get frustrated. He knew tithing worked, he was just so scared of us having to move, or not having enough food. He has realized neither will ever happen. He supports my tithing paying now. He told me he was sorry he has been such a spiritual galoot.

So, now our family history story. My mom was called to be the family history person in her ward last year. She said then that since ours is done back to the Savior, she would work on Bill's. He is a convert, and except for some dabbling by an uncle, not much had been done. First off, when Bill was baptized in '94, he had a faith promoting experience. He said as he was listening to the bishop speak, he felt someone put their arm around his shoulders, and he was filled with a feeling of love and rightness. He figured it was my mom, since she was such a verbal supporter of his choice to be baptized.When the bishop was done speaking, he turned to acknowledge my mom, and was stunned to see her three rows back, and no one directly behind him. As he turned the feeling of the hug slowly left him. He was baffled by it, but felt it was a grandmother, and they were happy he was baptized because they wanted their temple work done.

I am confused by my PAF file, and not much has been done. Not enough time to dedicate to it while I was changing diapers and cleaning koolaid out of the carpet. So I was excited to learn my mom's calling, and her choice to work on Bill's line.

Last Wednesday, she calls me, just ecstatic. She found some of Bill's family. A Mary Steele. Mary was listed as a single mom (possibly a widow??) with two sons, William and Robert. William had a son, Huffman, who had a daughter, Mary (Bill's mom) who had Bill. I thought it really neat that Mary Steele had a William, and two generations later, Bill's mom, Mary, had a William. I would love to ask her if she knew of her great grandmother, and the naming situation. Someday, since she has been gone seven years now. Anyhow, my mom was thrilled to find this line, and was looking forward to calling me with the info....right after her institute class.

As she gets there and sits down she said it was like abolt of lightning. Mary Steele is the 'grandmother' who came to Bill's baptism. She hasn't thought of that story in years, and here it was, and she knew it was right. Now she was really anxious to call me and almost ditched her class. LOL. I had her tell Bill. He was almost in tears, and the spirit testified to him that what my mom said, and found, was true. That it was Mary Steele who had such a love for him, and was waiting for her work. So, soon, we are making a trek to the temple.

We have been so blessed.

I run hot and cold.

In regards to this blog. LOL. I have something to say for a few days, and then nothing for weeks.

So, the high desert job has come thru and Bill does his first two work orders next week. The college is still not ready for him to do his last week or so of work, so no money coming there.

We went to Victorville and looked at the five bedroom house, and all was a go....until the lady asked to see a picture of Delilah. She said no, based on the fact that Dee is a pit bull. Uh, what?? No she isn't, she is a lab mix. We do agree that she has a small percentage of pit in her. It explains her gold nose. But, she is a lab, with a lab temperment. Apparently it is difficult to get or keep homeowners insurance with a pit on the property. Whatever.

Actually we are still on the fence about moving so far away. We have a few more weeks in this house.

Sunday, as I was leaving to go to the Pioneer Day planning committee meeting, I found our eviction notice in the fence. Sunday was the 12th, and the paperwork was dated the 9th, and you only have five days to answer, or else you default and the sheriff's will come and lock you out. I was stressed over this because weekends and holidays count. So, I called a paralegal we had already talked to, and he made the appt for Wed the 14th, which was the fifth day. Phew. He also said that since it was not handed to us, we actually had 10 days,but let's not risk it.

We took all our pictures and our email correspondence with the landlord over the last two years with us. The paralegal thinks we have a very good shot of winning, between all the promises of repairs and the ugly pictures. My request is we don't end up with a black mark on our record over the eviction. We sent the answer to the landlady's lawyer and we are waiting now on a court date. Our paralegal thinks that once the lawyer reads the answer and the emails he may want to see the pictures, and may want to settle. Keep your fingers crossed that this is what happens.

I don't even know what to say with the situation with Cory. Mom wants him out of Grandma's house. Actually, Mom has no problem with him there. He is good about helping Grandma with the chores that are hard for her. He is company. She has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, and it explains so much of what has been going on. Not only is she very forgetful, but she is becoming ornery in her old age, and really mean comments are coming out of her sweet mouth. She went to spend a week with Aunt Sharon, and told her things that had Sharon calling my mom demanding answers. Apparently Grandma said I had just showed up one night with Cory and dumped him off, and have not been back to even check on him. She also said that I dumped the little girls off on her for a week while I went on a trip. "Why does Pam think I want to raise her kids??" I was hurt, but Mom reminded me she is no longer in her right mind and we can't take anything personally. With Cory, we had talked back and forth for a week. It was all planned. I could deal with this one. But the little girls hurt. The weekend before I left for camp, we had a birthday BBQ for Hunter. Grandma asked ME what I was doing with the girls. I told her Bill was off work, and if he did have to work, Cindy was going to watch them. It was all arranged, and not a big deal. "Oh, let them come and stay with me, I would love it." I was not overly comfortable with it, but Mom said she would help. So, they planned on picking them up MOnday morning, and Bill would go get them Tuesday night. That was it. Bill and Cindy had them the rest of the week. I think we are in for a roller coaster ride with her.

I cancelled my trip to Vegas. I am sad, because my friends are there right now, having fun without me. I just couldn't justify the expense, but more I couldn't see leaving the kids again so soon. But, oh, I wanted to go.